Well, I did it. And I am scared out of my mind and totally ecstatic at the same time.
What did I do, you ask?
I registered for my Master of Divinity (MDiv) at my seminary of choice yesterday.
What that means is 48 more credit hours after I complete my Master of Arts in Religion (MAR), Biblical Studies, in May. That’s 16 courses. That’s one more than I will have finished for my MAR.
My husband told me recently I might want to seek a convent if I did that. I think he is a bit sick of me never being around at night or on weekends. I do have to take that into prayerful consideration, of course. He is my husband after all.
Why then did I do it? Three main reasons: 1) I feel like I am finally heading down the path I should have a long time ago in my life and see God’s blessing on my work, 2) I am totally addicted to learning, and 3) since I was a little girl, I always told my Dad I would be the first female PhD in our family. This will get me one step closer to delivering against that. Praying my Dad will be around to see it. He is almost 86.
Now it’s insane, mind you. I will be 49 years old on March 27th of this year, and I don’t know exactly how long it might be to get that PhD, but let’s say another five years, if I pushed. That would make me 54 years old. What do I do then? And yet, I feel almost under inner compulsion to continue. And I am afraid, it is something only God will be able to explain when it is all said and done.
My husband Nick has been so patient with me, and I love him dearly for that. He was ever so done with school when he finished his M.Ed. a few years ago (and that only because he had to due to his teaching ROTC as the professor of military science at the time). He cannot fathom why anybody would voluntarily want to hit the books and study.
And here I am, and all I can tell you is that I feel like that is what my head was meant to do. To stuff it with knowledge. But not knowledge for the sake of accumulating it, but godly knowledge that will carry the gospel to the four corners of the world.
Last night, I was in my women’s Bible study listening to a Beth Moore teaching session in her revised study “A Woman’s Heart“, when Beth said something that stuck with me: “When I rewrote this study, I bought a whole shelf full of books just on Exodus to learn more and new things about this book. Now I have the dilemma of what to teach you in one hour what I learned in ten. You know you are a teacher when you can’t help but want to share everything you have ever learned with others.” Well, that last part describes me. The women at the table I lead can tell you that is true. I just spout off all my knowledge whenever I can while taking them through the lesson. I am happy to say they seem to really like it because several wanted to be back in my group for this Bible study.
So this is my dream. To be a teacher of the Bible. To teach others to love the Lord, their God, from the bottom of their hearts, not because it is a nice feeling but because they have diligently searched the Scriptures – and out of this have come away with truth and mercy and grace for their lives. I want to multiply this in others’ lives.
If I could do it all again, I would aim to be a Beth Moore, a Lisa Harper (LOVE her style), a Luci Swindoll or a Marilyn Meberg and teach, teach, teach. For the glory of God. For the kingdom of God. For my Lord, my Savior, my God.
P.S. I should add that I, of course, shared with Nick what I had done. He is not thrilled, but as always, is incredibly supportive of me. And I can change my mind and not incur cost. That was kind of important, too, in case Nick threatened to pull out a divorce petition 😉 .